Comments on Trains, Tutus and Tea time: The Ring

What an amazing post Corinne. I love the metaphor...

2010-03-11T21:41:11.040-05:00

What an amazing post Corinne. I love the metaphor. And I think we ALL have something at the end of our long days that we say we DESERVE. I say it every day and since I normally don't get what I think I deserve (a break, a morning to sleep in, a shower alone, some time OUT), I just end up full of resentment. And although I don't drink, I do still end my days often feeling BAD. Bad that I resent so much... i would have done the same thing with the ring. Forced it on so that I had something to smile at amid all the chaos that normally surrounds me.

I'm glad you got it off and now have it waiting for you in your size.

What a beautiful post! Why is it I need a daily re...

2010-03-11T17:30:27.436-05:00

What a beautiful post! Why is it I need a daily reminder that those things I yearned for are gifts and not things to be endured? My selfishness & entitlement seem to always get in the way. Loved this!

I stumbled on this post on a blogging meander. Wha...

2010-03-11T12:52:13.564-05:00

I stumbled on this post on a blogging meander. What a wonderful excercise in comparison and life lesson you have given. I love it.

My personal addictions are of the food sort rather than the beverage. Perhaps more subtly destructive but destructive nonetheless.

How fitting for you that as the ring begins to fit (and it will...) you will have a lovely reminder of the beauty of waiting and taking that deep breath, and the reward for doing so.

Well done. Thank you.

gosh... i don't even think my little words dow...

2010-03-10T14:11:48.098-05:00

gosh... i don't even think my little words down here can do justice to any from your heart. your words... tied up in your emotions and recovery... brought tears and a smile and a swelling of love.

"Why couldn't I look at what had been giv...

2010-03-09T21:43:41.864-05:00

"Why couldn't I look at what had been given to me, and take the gifts in my life {aka... family... kids... a roof over my head...} for just that."

it moved me.

I have found you. I am thankful.

Your honesty is both beautiful and refreshing! A...

2010-03-09T20:06:16.897-05:00

Your honesty is both beautiful and refreshing!

And I am glad you were able to get the ring resized! :)

I like you!

2010-03-09T16:26:44.029-05:00

I like you!

Maybe deserving wasn't the word I was looking ...

2010-03-09T14:54:30.280-05:00

Maybe deserving wasn't the word I was looking for. All I can go from is the way I felt in those moments, and in those moments I felt the same way grabbing that ring, making it fit with me and my life, that I felt when I was grabbing my fourth or fifth glass of wine when I was still drinking. And it wasn't a good feeling.

And if a man had done what I did, with (yes) arrogance and the attitude I had? I would have said he wasn't deserving of such a gift in that moment either.

Just my two cents ;)

I am so glad I came by this post - for many reason...

2010-03-09T14:39:29.591-05:00

I am so glad I came by this post - for many reasons. First, it's beautifully written (as always), and the metaphor and lessons are not missed. In particular relative to forcing the ring.

Haven't we all tried to make something "fit" - even as we know that it doesn't? A relationship? A job? Even aspects of our personality? For some of us - a marriage? Especially if it's something we've waited for and really wanted?

But I'd like to take exception to one thing - respectfully. To point out a significant difference between men and women and the use of your term "entitlement."

This is an old refrain (from me), but I'm repeating it: The words we choose - especially for ourselves - are incredibly important to our sense of self.

Had that ring (or something similar) been received by a man, and he thought to himself after a long, hard day "I deserve this," - would we think anything of it?

Parenting is grueling. Exhausting. And "unpaid." Yes, of course we love our families and are grateful to have them. But it doesn't change how fatiguing the day-in-day-out homemaking and mothering tasks are.

Of course you "deserve" something at the end of that day to feel good! To say "Phew - tough day - glad I got through it decently."

Is that entitlement? I don't think so. I don't sense arrogance or presumption in you at all.

When I make it through a long day (and they're all long, let's be realistic), I "give" myself mindless TV for a bit before I attempt sleep. Or a piece of chocolate that I probably "shouldn't" eat, but I do. It isn't about entitlement or deserving; it's about a way to unwind, the way we are all conditioned to give ourselves some sort of small reward at the end of a job well done, or as a marker of something significant.

And in parenting - a job well done is getting through the day - all kids intact, healthy, and maybe having learned a thing or two. A marker may be getting through that day without a drink, and adding it to a proud count of days.

That your ring didn't fit? And you tried to make it work? A sign of fatigue, frustration - and I dare say something we all would've done. Very human. And as for that amethyst and when your fingers are a little less swollen?

I'd say you deserve it, you earned it, it's a gift to you for being who you are from "the universe" - and you should enjoy it.

We are deserving of little pleasures and special moments, of symbols and thank you's. Sometimes we give them to ourselves. Men have no problem with this. Why is it that women do?

My two cents. (And then some.)

You have an incredible way with words. Nell

2010-03-09T13:28:59.957-05:00

You have an incredible way with words.

Nell

Glad you got it unstuck! You write so beautifully...

2010-03-09T12:58:40.737-05:00

Glad you got it unstuck! You write so beautifully, Corinne. And amethyst, very fitting indeed.

Corinne-- this is a great post. I really admire y...

2010-03-09T10:56:53.591-05:00

Corinne-- this is a great post. I really admire your courage and resolve and ability to write about this experience so poetically. Your kids are so lucky to have you.

Oh, what a beautiful post. I thought about these ...

2010-03-09T10:22:02.623-05:00

Oh, what a beautiful post. I thought about these things this morning- and being thankful for what I already have- instead of continually feeling like I'm entitled to more. Thank you for your honesty, and beauty.

Wow! That was amazing and rings so incredibly true...

2010-03-09T10:20:39.738-05:00

Wow! That was amazing and rings so incredibly true!!! Thank you for sharing today!

Oh, man. I have done the same thing. One time I ...

2010-03-09T09:41:39.849-05:00

Oh, man. I have done the same thing. One time I did that at Target. Hah! I must write about it sometime...

This metaphor is just gorgeous.

Oh! I am left with few words. You do deserve you...

2010-03-09T06:58:29.962-05:00

Oh! I am left with few words. You do deserve your ring, your life, your sobriety. As I tell my daughter and a dear friend, what we deserve comes in someone else's time, not ours.

You are so right. I get caught up in the now, now,...

2010-03-09T01:09:40.240-05:00

You are so right. I get caught up in the now, now, NOW! Slowing down to think about everything we have to be thankful for is the only way we can truly appreciate how lucky we are. You deserve your sobriety, the love of your family, and even the beautiful ring. Because all are a reminder that you are a strong and beautiful woman who is taking care of herself.

Grace, patience, humility ... things I struggle ev...

2010-03-09T00:12:15.366-05:00

Grace, patience, humility ... things I struggle every day to remind myself I'm supposed to have. (Because, goodness knows, the kiddos don't have any yet!)

Your writing takes my breathe away at times and to...

2010-03-08T23:27:51.161-05:00

Your writing takes my breathe away at times and today is one of those times.

That is most definitely something I would do. I l...

2010-03-08T22:50:25.846-05:00

That is most definitely something I would do.

I love the way you write :)

Well I'm just jealous I didn't win Ellie&#...

2010-03-08T22:48:23.577-05:00

Well I'm just jealous I didn't win Ellie's ring! :)
Loving your writing...

This was so beautiful! And though I understand wh...

2010-03-08T22:42:01.128-05:00

This was so beautiful!

And though I understand what you were saying, I think you do deserve a little present...and I'm glad you were able to come into ownership of such a special ring. :)

:) very well said! and I didn't know that abou...

2010-03-08T22:00:16.981-05:00

:) very well said! and I didn't know that about amethyst - it's my birth stone, and i wear several pieces with it in it.

That was written with wisdom and insight. You are...

2010-03-08T21:11:16.142-05:00

That was written with wisdom and insight. You are a fabulous writer.

This is a gorgeous story...and so true of so many ...

2010-03-08T20:21:01.153-05:00

This is a gorgeous story...and so true of so many things in life! As I was reading it, I recalled so many instances in my life where a little paitence and grace would have went a long way. You have such a beautiful heart, Corinne!