Protest Perfect

I'm joining The Perfect Protest... make sure to check it out. It's nothing but loveliness, inspiration, and acceptance.

{Thank you Lindsey for bringing this beautiful protest to my attention!}

Virtual Coffee VI

It's that time of the week again...
... click below for more info on Amy's Virtual Coffee, and to join in...

If we were meeting for coffee this week...
I'd have a cafe mocha, with extra whipped cream

... and then I'd dive in and tell you about the adventures we've had in the last week. The trip to the airport, the apple picking, the hiking, the snuggles and giggles. The thousands of books that have been read. The lack of TV... I'd tell you how good it's been to have my mom around.

If we were having coffee today, I'd tell you about this amazing community full of support I've found right here at my finger tips. How they celebrate with me, cry with me, laugh with me, love with me. You're part of it too, though you might not realize it. And then I'd thank you {especially for yesterdays support...}

I'd also tell you I just finished Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones. For years I've thought that I read it, but no... turns out I haven't. I finally ordered a used copy and then savored every word. Another book that I recommend to any writer. Goldberg's book has been mentioned in every writing class I've ever taken, which is probably why I thought I had read it somewhere along the road. I've been lucky enough to have been taught in her style, and to finally read her words on the process... it's pretty good stuff.

And then I'd tell you that I'm aching for a yoga class. For good chocolate. For lobster ravioli {I'm making shellfish an exception to my vegetarian diet}. For poetry read out loud. For live music, preferably acoustic guitar. For a dance.

Then I'd apologize for the scatterbrain. My mind is in ten places at once today. I'm trying to reign it in and focus focus focus. So then I'd ask you what your days have been like. What are you aching for? Craving? Wishing and hoping for?

Then I'd tell you that we should just make these things happen. Simple as that. Come up with a plan, and go for it.

And on that note, we'd have to part ways and head back to our homes. But we'd have a plan....

Until next week...

Eight

I hit eight months of sobriety yesterday.

I didn't realize it until there was 16 minutes left of the day, as I shuffled out from my bedroom, eyes barely open to get a drink of water. Flipping over the page of my weekly planner, I found that I had mis-marked my sobriety date for the month, writing "8 Months!!!!" on the 27th instead of the 26th.

Every month until January I have the 26th marked in blue letters {except this month... when I apparently tried to draw out month 7...} January will be a year. It's not that I think a big light will shine and my head will be free and everything will be alright when I stumble over the finish line of ONE YEAR. But it's a goal. And the end of a lot of "first time without..." And every month I get a little closer. {and I hate marking that something didn't happen on my calendar, or leaving something on that didn't happen, so that's another trick my mind and I use to not drink every day...}

But every month it's gotten harder in some way.

Which has kind of thrown me for a loop.

This second half of the year is full of big drinking days for me. My birthday, Lucas's birthday, Fynn's birthday {or the eve of his birth... I always get sentimental, or ruin a cake, or find some reason to finish a bottle or two...} Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years....

Not bad holidays, but ones that are stressful in their own way, and used to be full of my companion that I've chosen to bid adieu.

I have to remember that I've chosen sobriety. Because there are times when I get resentful... of everyone around me and anyone who I've said I've done this for... when ultimately, I made this choice for me.

...and my kids... and my husband... but they're not to blame for my inability to handle alcohol. And I'm not to blame either, which is something else I have to accept.

With 8 month comes a lot of things that have been pushed through that I haven't accepted yet.

But what also comes with 8 months is a head that's seeing things a little more clearly, a little more focused, a little more open. So there's new things to see and process and learn. The newness of sobriety is gone and it's me and my thoughts... and occasionally my drunk dreams and my sick head telling me at times that there wasn't a problem and oh my wouldn't a glass of red on a chilly night be just so right...

Thankfully my clear head, and my distance from Drunk Me is here and present and able to decipher the fantasy and romance of drinking from the truth that I cannot drink. Today. And tomorrow. And that's okay.

Because I've banked 8 months of sober days.

And no matter what my head says at times, that is such a very good thing.

Ramble for a Sunday

It's Sunday...

the scent of cinnamon and apples, freshly baked, lingers in the air
and it sounds victorious as the Patriots are securing their win

there's a chill in the air and my kids are on a walk with Grammy
Lucas is sprawled out on the couch, a nap awaits

this space calls as it's been neglected for more days than usual
while there's no pressure...

it still calls

the unshared photos are stacking up
the words swirling and just out of reach

not sure if they want to be shared or not

I find that when I step away for even just a bit from the practice of writing
it's harder to jump back in

and this place is part of my practice

so I'm here

my husband came up with the idea of visiting the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston yesterday
just the two of us

we like to get away when the opportunity presents itself
kids safe and happy
a warm fall day and adventure in the air

emotions flirting with being evoked

and they were evoked

by a girl standing in the corner of the musical instruments exhibit
fedora and big wide rimed black glasses
a female teenage version of Elvis Costello

by Monet's waterlilies
memories of walking through Giverny

magic and wonder and warm sun and life in pastels

by photos of a Family Album by Nicholas Nixon
the depth in the ordinary
in family

and now the kids are back
the nap over
warm cocoa requested...

... and I'm off...

On Marriage and togetherness

As a celebration of her tenth wedding anniversary, Christine over at Coffees and Commutes is hosting guest posts this week about marriage.

Today I am honored to be her guest. Please click over and read my thoughts on marriage... the good, the bad, the butterflies.

Happy Anniversary Christine! You are a beautiful soul, and deserve nothing less than a world of happiness and joy. Here's to another ten years, and another, and another, and another....

Virtual Coffee V

It's time for some Virtual Coffee over at Amy's today...

click below to link up and for more information...

If we were meeting for coffee today......

I'd tell you that we had a visit from my little brother over the weekend. He came down for the afternoon on Sunday. We went for a hike, he did his laundry, I made a big Sunday dinner, and he played with the kids while Lucas watched football... a pretty perfect Sunday afternoon if you ask me {besides the loss of our team...}

The kids adore their Uncle Toby. And his hat...

That would lead me to tell you that I've been missing my family. We hadn't seen Toby since early July {which is silly, because he lives less than an hour away...} and I haven't seen my parents since June. Which isn't the longest stretch we've gone... but it seems like it.

Thankfully, we pick up my mom at the airport tomorrow morning. I can't tell you how excited we all are. As much she and I can drive each other crazy, I love my mama. The world seems so much more right when I know she's in the same state. And even more right when I can see her and get a big mama hug.

And if I were sitting across from you, much like last week, I might tear up when I tell you how very much I need this visit with my mom. I breathe a little easier when she's here {most of the time... ;) } And I'm going to take it all in. The kids laughing and giggling with her, the mama daughter talks and even the eye rolls. It's all good.

So then I'd tell you I might be a bit out of touch around these parts over the next week or so. There's lots to do around here, mainly of the apple picking, pumpkin patch visiting, red leaf viewing, hiking with kids, drinking tea while I watch my mama knit variety.

And then I'd probably remember that I have two kids with colds at the moment, and I need to attend to that burning fire in front of me {another lesson from the weekend... give your attention to whatever is on fire in front of you... I've been doing that... and these words needed to be written right now...}

But now there's snotty noses to wipe and graham crackers to be dished out...

And there's possibly laundry to do and bathrooms to clean.

But you know, if I had a spotless house my mom wouldn't recognize it, so I'm going to get on the floor with some tissues and bury myself into building blocks until the dinner fire calls...

I'd leave you with hugs and random parting thoughts about these moments. They come on their own... I'm trying to see them for what they are... and love even the snotty sniffly ones.

Until next week....

{and again, Fynn's shirt says "Fight Pollution" - not just "Fight" :) }

Winner of I'm Outnumbered!

And the winner {chosen by www.random.org} of I'm Outnumbered, by Laura Lee Groves, is.....

Leslie from Five to Nine!

Congratulations Leslie!

Thank you to everyone who entered the giveaway. Make sure to check out the book if you're at all interested, such an insightful book.

And thank you Laura for providing a copy for the giveaway!

The Plunge...

Last night I was full.

Today I am full.

So very full.

I spent yesterday in Boston with friends - new and old - at The Mother's Plunge, a retreat given by Karen Maezen Miller {author of Hand Wash Cold and Momma Zen}.

Everything that Karen said it would be, it was.

Inspirational, soul filling and refreshing, tear jerking, and as Karen writes in the description of the day "complete immersion in compassionate love".

We weren't allowed to take notes... and my poor brain is still decompressing from it all. But the words and phrases that come back to me from the day are Attention. Love. Attention. Faith is going forward {I don't remember if that's a direct quote or just me paraphrasing... again, poor filled with love and compassion brain...}. This moment is this moment, and it's all we have. You receive what you need when you need it, the key is to pay attention and then you'll see it - whatever it is.

There was meditation, sitting and walking. There was yoga. There was food and there were smiles and there were tears. Joy and love and encouragement.

Katrina Kenison was also there. She was a guest of Karen's, and read from her book and blog as a gift to us. She is lovelier in person than I could have imagined {and I imagined her to be pretty darn incredible}.

And of course, Lindsey was there. And Denise. And my friend Deb. And so many others that made the day exactly what it was. Full of peace and love and beauty.

{I realize I'm gushing... it was just that good...}

By now you probably know the characters in the picture below... Me, Lindsey, and Denise.

And this... is my beautiful and lovely friend Deb. She's probably going to give me dirty looks and send me nasty emails for posting a picture of her. But I have to. Because she was so much part of the beauty of the day for me. She is above all else a nurturer. An encourager {she even said I was being artistic when I attempted to take a photo of a seagull and acted like I'd never seen a seagull before... God love her...} And to see her get a little bit of what she gives out consistently, made me {again} so full.

I hope that gave you a few glimpses into my yesterday.

It's not that what Karen, or Katrina, or anyone else in the room was saying earth shattering new things. They're earth shattering truths about how we can live our lives, pay attention, and bring love into everything that we do. Hearing it out loud, from an actual person, a face instead of a computer screen or even pages of a book, was powerful in ways I cannot fully express.

The day left me feeling woozy, and yet with an energy I haven't felt in years. A renewed sense of peace. And love. It's all about the love. I do remember Karen saying this "Love is why we do anything, everything."

As I'm writing this I'm a little teary. Still tired and overwhelmed and happy. And a little giddy.

It was such a beautiful day.

And I am so thankful, and so blessed to have been able to attend The Mother's Plunge. If there's one in your area, go. If you can't, read Karen and Katrina's books. It's worth it. You're worth it.

{and yes, I will post the winner of last weeks book giveaway at some point tomorrow... but I'm not staying up until midnight to close comments, so I'll do that either before I go to bed or first thing in the morning. Living on the edge, breaking rules, what has become of me? ;) }

Virtual Coffee IV

It's Virtual Coffee time again... click below and visit Amy for more details!

If we were sitting down for coffee today....

I'd warm my hands with my coffee mug, as I haven't been able to get warm all day. The fall chill is coming, the wind blowing with the scent of crisping leaves. My hands might bring down the temperature of my latte, transferring heat to hands and heart.

It would come up in conversation that the kids are now obsessed with hot chocolate. We drink it twice a day, at least. Warm cocoa for the little ones, hot cafe mocha or tea for me. There's a certain tenderness in cocoa time after a nap or quiet time.

While we're on the subject of my kids... I'd tell you that Fynn is so very interested in learning how to read. We have some beginners reading books, and we spend hours a day reading. Making up our own stories sometimes... but the spark and love for books is there.

And speaking of books, I'd tell you how I spent an evening recently with my friend Lindsey. We went to hear Gail Caldwell read from her memoir, Let's Take the Long Way Home. It's a tribute to her friendship with Caroline Knapp, author of Drinking: A Love Story. It's a beautiful, heartbreaking book. And I would tell you that I might or might not have cried when Gail was signing my book, as I gushed about how her and Caroline's stories have impacted my sobriety... and she was more than gracious.

Then I'd tell you about my stack of books to read, and would ask what you're reading and what's on your list.

We'd talk about our families, and I would simply burst if I didn't tell you how sometimes my parents spoil me... and I'd show off my early birthday present from them... my new camera bag that I will carry everywhere. I love it. I might have squealed when I opened the box last night...

I'd tell you about the little inspirational cards that came in the bag. How they were an unexpected addition to the bag, a beautiful detail that makes it all the more special.

If you were to ask me how I'm really doing, I'd be honest and tell you that I'm feeling very vulnerable these days. Raw and inspired and soulful. That I'm feeling. Deeply. It's the change of the season, it's how my sobriety's newness is wearing off, it's feeling the high highs and low lows and everything in between. I'm weepy at times and bursting with joy at others. It's life. And I'm feeling it.

That's still new to me.

Over coffee today we might shed a few tears. Being open and honest and present. I'd hear you through your struggles, you'd listen to mine. We'd touch arms and smile wide and sigh sympathetically.

It'd be so very good to have coffee with you today.

Until next week....

I'm Outnumbered {a book giveaway}

My friend Laura Lee Groves is one of those women who exudes serenity. Seeing her avatar pop up in the comments of this blog, or her picture on her own blog, makes me a little calmer.

I don't remember how we found each other in this blogging world, or who found who first, but we've been supporters of each other for quite a while now.

So when her book, I'm Outnumbered! One Mom's Lessons in the Lively Art of Raising Boys, came out I ordered a copy right away. After I started the book I emailed Laura and told her I would use my copy for a giveaway on my blog because I wanted to share her words with my readers.

Then I finished it, and I had one specific person in mind that I HAD to give the book to! So I emailed Laura and told her I was spreading the love, but I had to use my copy differently than I expected to.

Then Laura offered to send me another copy to use in a giveaway... because that's just Laura! Sweet and giving and kind.

I'm Outnumbered is a survival guide to raising boys. Laura is a mom of four sons, and a newly minted grandmother of a beautiful baby boy. So when it comes to raising boys Laura has been there, done that, and is still manning the trenches.

While I am not outnumbered by boys, I have one {and a daughter who thinks she's a boy and acts like one half the time...} and have already experienced how boys are a completely different breed from girls. Laura wrote I'm Outnumbered in such a way that even those of us with both boys and girls can benefit from her wisdom.

The biggest thing that I took away from Laura's book was that saying "he's a boy, I'll never understand him" is a cop out. Reading this book made me aware of the times I have used that line, that I have thrown up my arms and given myself an excuse to not communicate with Fynn because it was too hard, almost like speaking a different language.

Laura provides insights to help bridge the communication gap between mothers and their sons.

I'm Outnumbered showcases the intention that Laura brings to her parenting, her writing, her life. Her faith plays an important role in each area, and she outlines each section of the book with a relevant verse from the Bible, adding another layer to the depth of parenting sons.

It is a beautifully crafted book, easy to read and full of wise tidbits that can easily be applied to the daily ins and outs of parenting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you'd like to win the copy of I'm Outnumbered that Laura Lee Groves provided for one of my readers, please leave a comment on this post. I'll randomly select a winner from the comments. Comments will close September 19th at midnight, and I will announce the winner on Monday, September 20th.

If nothing else, please check out Laura's blog. She's a daily inspiration to me, and I am so thrilled to be able to share her with you today!

Thank you Laura!!!

The camping post!! {aka picture overload...}

So yeah, we went camping over the weekend.

We pitched a tent, made a home at a campsite, hiked, cooked, drank lots of hot cocoa, went on an actual train ride...

And we came back late last night. It was rainy and we decided to end our camping experience on a good note, and spend just the one overnight and two very full days {instead of two nights and three days...}

We're so happy with our first family camping trip experience! Beside Paige not sleeping and practically causing a mutiny at the camp ground during our overnight {which led to me fleeing with her at 4:30am for a drive and being the first customer at Dunkin Donuts at 5am...}... it was so much fun. We're so proud of our kids - they're such good little campers. We had fun. Sometimes it's good to be reminded that we can actually have fun together ;) There were such few tantrums, little tears, and lots and lots of smiles.

We can't wait to do it again. I'm short on words today... big on laundry... so I'll leave you with some photos from our trip. And if you're thinking of taking a family camping trip? DO IT. It's a lot of work, but it is SO MUCH FUN :) And the memories of little ones sitting around a campfire with cups of warm cocoa are priceless.

I'm off wash the campfire smell from every single one of our belongings that went along for the ride... which kind of makes me a little sad...

{My kids do smile. Just apparently not when being photographed on a camping trip... just saying...}

{and by the end of our trip, I think I finally figured out my camera. I know understand the ISO settings, and how the shutter speed and aperture work together... I wish I could go back and apply what I know now to even just Saturday evening, but so it goes! It's a process :) I know my updates on learning about my camera are simply riveting!}