Monday, March 8, 2010

The Ring


A few weeks ago Ellie, of
One Crafty Mother, emailed that I had won her biweekly giveaway. She makes the most beautiful hand crafted jewelry, you must run over and check out her Etsy shop, Shining Stones. The giveaway that I had entered was for a ring. A gorgeous ring with an amethyst stone. I was in love before it arrived.

The ring came. I excitedly unwrapped the package, and plunged the hand made silver ring onto my right hand ring finger.

There it was. Beautiful, dainty, amethyst, and stuck.

Very stuck.

So stuck that a few tablespoons of olive oil couldn't get it unstuck. I twisted, turned, prayed. Called my husband while digging through the toolbox for wire cutters.

Nothing.

Kids were crying at my feet for attention. But there I stood, in front of the sink with my hand in a glass of ice water. Trying to reduce the size of my finger. To make it work.

Finally a combination of cold running water mixed with olive oil, all purpose cleaner and dish soap, along with much clenching of the teeth and pulling and twisting... the ring came off.

And thankfully, Ellie, in all of her fabulousness, responded to a crazed email {from a certain person with olive oil scented hands} that she could resize the ring.

Sidenote ~ when Ellie notified me about the giveaway, she also let me know that the word Amethyst comes from the Greek word meaning "without drunkenness". Fitting, wouldn't you say? {Did I mention Ellie is another recovering alcoholic, who gets it? Really truly gets it. She's incredible, and an inspiration. And you know how I found her?
Heather. Seriously, once you find one of us, you find a whole slew of sober sisters...} In any case, she also informed me that amethyst supposedly has healing powers, and is beneficial for calming the mind. Again, how fitting.

The day the ring arrived was a difficult one. Fynn vomited for the first time, ever. In my bed. Naptime was ended abruptly, cups of water were poured over the edge of the tub at bathtime.
Markers were used as eye makeup. It was exhausting. So when the package graced my mailbox with it's presence, my first thought was I so deserve this.

And then it didn't fit. Not only did it not fit, but I forced it onto my finger to make it fit. I had no patience.

I did not
deserve it, or what it symbolized. I felt entitled, I was hasty, selfish. I paid for all of that with the half an hour it took to remove the darn thing. And had a sore finger, rubbed red and raw, that stung for the entire weekend.

Feelings of entitlement do not make a humble person. A selfless person. A thankful person.

I looked at drinking in the same light. After a long day with the kids I'd call and demand a bottle of wine. I deserved it, after all.

But why? Why did I deserve it? Why couldn't I look at what had been given to me, and take the gifts in my life {aka... family... kids... a roof over my head...} for just that. Gifts. Not to be simply dealt with, and then shoved aside at the end of the day for a glass with liquid courage and falsities. But to be appreciated, thankful for, humbled by.

This past Friday the ring returned. And right now? My hands are a little swollen from who knows what. My knuckles are wider, and the ring is a little tight. But I'll wait. It's now the right size, but it's me that needs a little working on. And I'll work, and wait before I plunge it down my finger.

A little bit of patience, a dab of honesty, and an acknowledgement of a few shortcomings can go a long way. Grace comes when we need it the most, even if it's not what we expect. It's always a gift, no matter the form.

Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self. ~ Francis of Assisi

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I'm linking up this post to Tuesday's Unwrapped hosted by Emily at Chatting at the Sky . Please join me in celebrating the every day moments that turn into gifts to treasure.


31 comments:

  1. Oh my, this post has dropped me to my knees. Things I have felt al this time indivudually, but never put together in one big thought like you just did.

    "But why? Why did I deserve it? Why couldn't I look at what had been given to me, and take the gifts in my life {aka... family... kids... a roof over my head...} for just that. Gifts. Not to be simply dealt with, and then shoved aside at the end of the day for a glass with liquid courage and falsities. But to be appreciated, thankful for, humbled by."

    -This is getting printed and posted on my monitor.
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  2. BTW, this was perfect for me to read on my 6 month sobriety date. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for saying congrats this morning! :)
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  3. So touching... I like where this story ended up. Bonus: I learned that my birthstone means "without drunkenness." Gotta love it. Thanks for sharing!
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  4. I never knew that about amethyst! How interesting!

    Glad you got it off your finger, sweetie. I've done that myself, and you feel so silly and crazed to get it off! Can't wait to see a picture.
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  5. Thanks for the linky love. I think you are truly incredible and I'm SO GLAD to have met you.

    And this was a stunningly beautiful post,and something I needed today. I love that line from "Postcards from the Edge" where Meryl Streep says "I hate instant gratification. It takes too long." That's me. That was me with drinking, and it's me with so many other things in my life.

    Thanks for the gorgeous reminder not to leap before grace.

    -Ellie
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  6. Oh. my. I think if we are honest we are all guilty of that sense of entitlement in some way or another. Hope you get to enjoy your lovely ring soon...guilt free...but unentitled. :)
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  7. This is a gorgeous story...and so true of so many things in life! As I was reading it, I recalled so many instances in my life where a little paitence and grace would have went a long way. You have such a beautiful heart, Corinne!
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  8. That was written with wisdom and insight. You are a fabulous writer.
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  9. :) very well said! and I didn't know that about amethyst - it's my birth stone, and i wear several pieces with it in it.
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  10. This was so beautiful!

    And though I understand what you were saying, I think you do deserve a little present...and I'm glad you were able to come into ownership of such a special ring. :)
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  11. Well I'm just jealous I didn't win Ellie's ring! :)
    Loving your writing...
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  12. That is most definitely something I would do.

    I love the way you write :)
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  13. Your writing takes my breathe away at times and today is one of those times.
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  14. Grace, patience, humility ... things I struggle every day to remind myself I'm supposed to have. (Because, goodness knows, the kiddos don't have any yet!)
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  15. You are so right. I get caught up in the now, now, NOW! Slowing down to think about everything we have to be thankful for is the only way we can truly appreciate how lucky we are. You deserve your sobriety, the love of your family, and even the beautiful ring. Because all are a reminder that you are a strong and beautiful woman who is taking care of herself.
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  16. Oh! I am left with few words. You do deserve your ring, your life, your sobriety. As I tell my daughter and a dear friend, what we deserve comes in someone else's time, not ours.
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  17. Oh, man. I have done the same thing. One time I did that at Target. Hah! I must write about it sometime...

    This metaphor is just gorgeous.
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  18. Wow! That was amazing and rings so incredibly true!!! Thank you for sharing today!
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  19. Oh, what a beautiful post. I thought about these things this morning- and being thankful for what I already have- instead of continually feeling like I'm entitled to more. Thank you for your honesty, and beauty.
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  20. Corinne-- this is a great post. I really admire your courage and resolve and ability to write about this experience so poetically. Your kids are so lucky to have you.
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  21. Glad you got it unstuck! You write so beautifully, Corinne. And amethyst, very fitting indeed.
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  22. You have an incredible way with words.

    Nell
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  23. I am so glad I came by this post - for many reasons. First, it's beautifully written (as always), and the metaphor and lessons are not missed. In particular relative to forcing the ring.

    Haven't we all tried to make something "fit" - even as we know that it doesn't? A relationship? A job? Even aspects of our personality? For some of us - a marriage? Especially if it's something we've waited for and really wanted?

    But I'd like to take exception to one thing - respectfully. To point out a significant difference between men and women and the use of your term "entitlement."

    This is an old refrain (from me), but I'm repeating it: The words we choose - especially for ourselves - are incredibly important to our sense of self.

    Had that ring (or something similar) been received by a man, and he thought to himself after a long, hard day "I deserve this," - would we think anything of it?

    Parenting is grueling. Exhausting. And "unpaid." Yes, of course we love our families and are grateful to have them. But it doesn't change how fatiguing the day-in-day-out homemaking and mothering tasks are.

    Of course you "deserve" something at the end of that day to feel good! To say "Phew - tough day - glad I got through it decently."

    Is that entitlement? I don't think so. I don't sense arrogance or presumption in you at all.

    When I make it through a long day (and they're all long, let's be realistic), I "give" myself mindless TV for a bit before I attempt sleep. Or a piece of chocolate that I probably "shouldn't" eat, but I do. It isn't about entitlement or deserving; it's about a way to unwind, the way we are all conditioned to give ourselves some sort of small reward at the end of a job well done, or as a marker of something significant.

    And in parenting - a job well done is getting through the day - all kids intact, healthy, and maybe having learned a thing or two. A marker may be getting through that day without a drink, and adding it to a proud count of days.

    That your ring didn't fit? And you tried to make it work? A sign of fatigue, frustration - and I dare say something we all would've done. Very human. And as for that amethyst and when your fingers are a little less swollen?

    I'd say you deserve it, you earned it, it's a gift to you for being who you are from "the universe" - and you should enjoy it.

    We are deserving of little pleasures and special moments, of symbols and thank you's. Sometimes we give them to ourselves. Men have no problem with this. Why is it that women do?

    My two cents. (And then some.)
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  24. Maybe deserving wasn't the word I was looking for. All I can go from is the way I felt in those moments, and in those moments I felt the same way grabbing that ring, making it fit with me and my life, that I felt when I was grabbing my fourth or fifth glass of wine when I was still drinking. And it wasn't a good feeling.

    And if a man had done what I did, with (yes) arrogance and the attitude I had? I would have said he wasn't deserving of such a gift in that moment either.

    Just my two cents ;)
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  25. Your honesty is both beautiful and refreshing!

    And I am glad you were able to get the ring resized! :)
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  26. "Why couldn't I look at what had been given to me, and take the gifts in my life {aka... family... kids... a roof over my head...} for just that."

    it moved me.

    I have found you. I am thankful.
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  27. gosh... i don't even think my little words down here can do justice to any from your heart. your words... tied up in your emotions and recovery... brought tears and a smile and a swelling of love.
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  28. I stumbled on this post on a blogging meander. What a wonderful excercise in comparison and life lesson you have given. I love it.

    My personal addictions are of the food sort rather than the beverage. Perhaps more subtly destructive but destructive nonetheless.

    How fitting for you that as the ring begins to fit (and it will...) you will have a lovely reminder of the beauty of waiting and taking that deep breath, and the reward for doing so.

    Well done. Thank you.
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  29. What a beautiful post! Why is it I need a daily reminder that those things I yearned for are gifts and not things to be endured? My selfishness & entitlement seem to always get in the way. Loved this!
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  30. What an amazing post Corinne. I love the metaphor. And I think we ALL have something at the end of our long days that we say we DESERVE. I say it every day and since I normally don't get what I think I deserve (a break, a morning to sleep in, a shower alone, some time OUT), I just end up full of resentment. And although I don't drink, I do still end my days often feeling BAD. Bad that I resent so much... i would have done the same thing with the ring. Forced it on so that I had something to smile at amid all the chaos that normally surrounds me.

    I'm glad you got it off and now have it waiting for you in your size.
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