That's really why I post what I do {beside it being therapeutic} they are not cries for help, they are cries to those who have been there before, or who are in it, who reach out and remind me that this too shall pass.
And I hope to do the same for someone else. I hope someone reads what I write, can identify, and then doesn't feel quite so alone. Because as mothers, fathers, we sometimes feel alone. Isolated. Because these kids are the biggest responsibility any of us has known; handling that with grace cannot happen when you go at it alone, in any way.
The other day a discussion about blogs came up with a friend. How when you look at a lot of mom blogs, you see sunshine and puppy dogs. Because when you edit out anything that could hurt anyone, or concern anyone, you're left with sunshine and puppy dogs.
Not here. I kept that in mind when writing the last two posts. I don't want this to be a place where I just blow rose petals up my rear end and make people think that I exhale poetry. I can write about the beautiful gifts in my life one day, but the next might include some mail I want to return to the sender.
But I can't. So instead, I write about it.
The same friend that held the conversation about blogs with me, sent me an email that said you have a huge pile of suck right now.
{Belinda, seriously, get yourself a freaking blog so I can link to you.... PLEASE!!}
We're all given that pile of suck now and then {go ahead and deny it, but it happens}. Some people hide it, some people whisper about it. I write about it. It, like alcoholism, doesn't do me any good to hide. It eats me up and spits me out like yesterdays leftover milk that's sitting on the counter in unwashed sippy cups.
I'm working on my pile of suck today. And today, while we had another huge tantrum while leaving a friends house {that lasted almost an hour...}, is a little better than yesterday.
And yesterday, looking back, wasn't all that bad. Yesterday I hit 30 days of sobriety {more on that another time, it deserves a post all it's own...} That's no small feat.
Also? Right now, at this very moment, both of my kids are smiling. Giggling while watching The Jungle Book on Lucas's laptop {and this weekend... I think the tv is coming out of the closet... shhh.... PBS needs to be my friend right now...}
I thank you for your comments, your emails, your concern {ahem... mom & mom in law...} and thank you for reading. From the bottom of my heart I thank you for being by my side as I journey through this big pile of suck to find a few bright spots :)
Bright spot #1
Bright spot #2
{Fynn's favorite thing to do - pull a chair up to the sink and make "cakes" with soap, water, splashes, an old toothbrush and lots and lots of bubbles...}
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